I call it the impossible question to answer. Can you guess what it is? I'm sure many of you have been in my same position, but maybe your circumstances look a little different. Maybe you have a chronic illness or take care of your child with special needs. Maybe you struggle with depression or anxiety … Continue reading The Impossible Question
Author: aglader
24 days without you.
It's been twenty-four days without you. Twenty-four long days without holding you and without smelling your sweet scent. Twenty-four days I've missed nuzzling your soft hair with my nose and cuddling you until my arms and back ache. I miss playing with your tiny toes and trying to comfort you by bouncing you in my … Continue reading 24 days without you.
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Letter to my Joshua
My sweet Joshua, We were so excited to discover we were pregnant with you. I had always wanted three kids and you were my dream come true. A few months later, however, I started having a lot of anxiety. I couldn’t pinpoint what was causing this anxiety. One morning I listened to the song, “In … Continue reading Letter to my Joshua
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Baby Steps
One year ago today I wrote my first blog post about my brother's death. Just two months later, I was pregnant with sweet baby Joshua. I started thinking, maybe God's timing in this was that He wanted me to not just share my brother John's story but Joshua's story too, and that is what I … Continue reading Baby Steps
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Even if…
The last six weeks have been a whirlwind. A few things weren't surprising to us when Joshua was born. We knew he would be missing his left arm, we knew he would be missing his left kidney and we also suspected an intestinal blockage. However, we received a few surprises over the course of the … Continue reading Even if…
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Joshua’s Arrival
Much has happened since I last wrote! After that first ultrasound, the rest of my pregnancy consisted of two echocardiograms, almost weekly ultrasounds and polyhdraminos, likely due to an intestinal blockage in Joshua. The polyhydraminos (too much amniotic fluid) left me feeling huge and extremely uncomfortable. At 36 weeks I had an amnioreduction and they … Continue reading Joshua’s Arrival
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Living with Uncertainty
About a month ago, we had our routine 20 week ultrasound for our third child. Of course every parent wants to find out the gender, while also almost taking for granted that most likely the baby will be healthy. After all, only 3% of babies are born with birth defects. After our ultrasound, we were … Continue reading Living with Uncertainty
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When Your Fears Become Reality
As I have mentioned before, I struggle with an anxiety disorder. Sometimes my mind is a continuous loop of fears about the future. Here is an example of how my mind works. First, I get some numbness and tingling in my fingers. Next, I'm googling my symptoms and diagnosing myself with a tragic illness. Then, … Continue reading When Your Fears Become Reality
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Grieving What Could Have Been
Whenever we lose someone we love, especially at a young age, we grieve the future, what could have been. I often wonder what John would be doing now. Would he be married and have kids? Would he have joined the military like he wanted to? What kind of a job would he have? What kind … Continue reading Grieving What Could Have Been
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The Media
It is a common misconception that the more media attention an individual or event gets, the more important it is. Why do so many people want to be on t.v.? Does the fact that they are on t.v. and watched by a large audience somehow make that person more important or valuable? Our society … Continue reading The Media
Ashley Glader 